CEO to consultant

Being able to step back from being a parent after 18 years of being in charge

As we approach the home stretch of the class of 2022, for all us empty nesters it is an exciting time for our new found freedom and fun to watch our kids spread their wings. Our kids have flown the coop.

We are still moms but our roll shifts. What our kids don’t realize, for moms and dads, that the adjustment of when to stop with advice is a tough one. We used to run the show, a CEO of our household so to speak. We went from the boss to consultant in a matter our months. All the information we have come to get used to giving is now on a need to know basis.

Part of parenting is we know we did a great job by seeing you as an adult. Those habits die hard. Just as you have habits on how you walk, laugh and write we can’t convert our long standing habits just because the calendar says you are 18.

I know that goldfish grow to the size of their environment. Our kids are the same if they don’t go outside our lives with other influences they won’t grow. They keep the opinions that are only ours and never get another perspective. For as much as we want to keep them close nothing is better for them than going into new environments.

To my children remember people who know you closely will stay with you no matter what. These are people that you want to keep close because they have the purest intentions for you. So keep your roots no matter how far you stray. Your parents believed in you before you had rest of the world. Before you did anything spectacular. Never forget that foundation. Tell us you don’t want an opinion if we get overboard but if you ask, be prepared for an honest answer.

As parents we will do our best –

Trying to stop worrying

As parents, if we didn’t protect our kids we looked neglectful. Understand this was hard wired from day one. For moms from the moment we were pregnant.

If you’re parents call to check on you just remember some people have no one check on them. As you may roll your eyes at the text just know it was their job to know you were safe at all times. Then in turn we will curb the texting on a regular basis and give you space.

Unsolicited advice

Of course another thing we had to do since day one. We have the experience so we offer opinions. The problem becomes as we give advice to our adult children it becomes more judgemental. We know what works for us and try to correct what they may do wrong. Who is say our way is the only right way. So if they want advice make it more optional and suggestive than the only one. Usually that is when we get the glaze and they quit listening. Be a sounding board and don’t show your opinion In your expressions. Your home should still be a safe zone.

Sometimes, just like you expect from your better half it is good just to be there for listening. Not everything needs a lecture. You both walk away with a better feeling.

Stop with the guilt

Guilting anyone into doing what we want never works. We need to give them the space to live their lives. So, we should not mind if they like to do some activities with their friends or without us. We have our own lives and they have theirs. It gives you something to share when you meet up.

Recognize and respect your differences. If you and your child don’t agree on something find a way to discuss without debate. That is life. If you both agree on everything someone isn’t necessary!

Do things you love together. Make it fun and make it a day of no parenting.

Share your wisdom and insight (without being critical).

So for all the 18-23 year olds out there. Just remember we were a parent for more years than you have been an adult and the adjustment is hard. We will learn to back off and help only when asked. But be gentle when we over step our bounds. Remember it is coming from the best of places and experience. You may be thinking you are an adult but we still see a 3 year in the car seat that we are just dropping off at preschool. Now it is time to hold our hand occasionally.

Never lose sight that we want you to grow up, it just went a little more quickly than we expected.