Navigating Grocery Store Etiquette

Long before Covid I joked there should be a coffee table book dedicated to the ins and outs etiquette of the grocery store. For most of us it ranks up there with a trip to the DMV.

Now it appears (it only took a pandemic to make my ideas useful) we have directional arrows and circles at check out so we know how far to stay apart. It is like a giant chess game.

I truly don’t mind rules, as a society we have proven we need them. We don’t know how to behave without them. I see others and I know I am not the only one who is a count of 10 step away from anger management classes from a grocery store trip. If you ever wanted to poke a fellow shopper in the eye with a carrot you may find this funny.

So in a nutshell some of the things that needed implemented. Covid has nothing to do with it these should be normal common sense rules. Again I forewarn you this is meant to be fun don’t take me too seriously. If you do, you haven’t hung with me recently and don’t get the sarcasm.

Stay to the right just like driving
Stop at the end of the aisle before blasting yourself into the main traffic
Please don’t use a Saturday to teach your 4 year old math or color skills and for gosh sake don’t let them push the cart into other people’s ankles
If you run into a friend, don’t stop on both sides making it impossible for others to pass by (see above stay to the right)
Don’t drop stuff you don’t want anywhere you choose. I have seen fridge items in the home section and vice versa. Just like home pick up after yourself
If you feel a need to read each ketchup bottle and can’t make a decision move to the side to let people that need to nab and grab get in and get out.
If you need a phone call to make shopping possible pull to the right, don’t stop in the center dumbfounded because you need the person on phone to direct you where the olives are at on the shelf
Return your cart to the corral (this simple task amazes me daily why people feel they don’t need to) and don’t leave your garbage in it
Make eye contact (this is important now since our eyes are our only sign of life) and say thank you to the staff
If you don’t understand self checkout don’t use it. This goes for the people needing help scanning each item. If you are there you should know what to do
Please don’t force an expired coupon for 25 cents on a busy Saturday, it is holding up the line
Don’t graze at the produce department it isn’t your fridge
The new 6 ft rule isn’t bad it keeps people who need personal space quite happy
When at the deli and it isn’t your turn take your number and step back so people ordering can see the deli case. Everyone clustering there when it isn’t their turn slows the progress
If you are in the booze aisle, people are there for a reason see all of the above and don’t do it here